This isn’t really a site where you can buy couches from Scandinavian Designs for cheap. Sorry. I just said that so that maybe people who are thinking about buying furniture from Scandinavian Designs might stumble across my site and my sad story about how our couch took FOUR MONTHS to be manufactured and delivered, and how their customer service is just obstinately terrible. Also I’m going to say things like furniture from Scandinavian Designs repeatedly to help that SEO.
I already talked about our sad and futile search for a magical, nonexistent lovely couch with a chaise for under $1,000 in the Bay Area. Let me now give you a timeline of events from the purchase on.
August 12
We buy magnificent Whitby the couch from Scandinavian Designs in Berkeley. “Darleen” (what a ridiculous name) says it will be delivered in 4-6 weeks. She also says she will give us production and shipping updates by email along the way.
We buy a pair of folding chairs to sit on in the meantime.
September 5
After hearing nothing from Scandinavian Designs for 3.5 weeks, I contact them to ask what’s up with my couch. Recall that we are expecting the couch in the next week. “Darleen” (if that even is her real name) lets me know that the manufacturer has run out of one of the materials we chose and it’s going to delay the process. The new delivery estimate is between September 20 and the end of the month.
We’re all like, holy crap! That seriously sucks, and it would have really been nice to know about this earlier than the week we expected the couch to be delivered.
“Darleen” promises she will check in with the manufacturer and with us about any further developments.
Our chairs are sagging from overuse. We try to pad them out with spare blankets.
September 21
After again hearing nothing from that lying cow “Darleen” (who could respect someone with that name, anyway?) from Scandinavian Designs about the couch we bought from Scandinavian Designs, I email her again to ask for news. She replies that the factory still does not have the fabric they need, will not have it until the following week. She doesn’t even bother to give a delivery estimate.
She says “sorry this is taking so long!” and we feel SO MUCH BETTER. It’s all smiles and rainbows shining out of our butts around here. Jk. We’re actually fuming at this point. I check the receipt, which says in no uncertain terms that Scandinavian Designs furniture store will not be held responsible for delays in manufacturing or shipping, and there is no way you’re getting any of your money back but please feel free to go f*#k yourself.
Our chairs, meanwhile, are even worse. They were not meant to be sat in every day, and they’re giving us back problems. Like I think I have scoliosis now. And that’s not something I thought I’d get from buying a couch from Scandinavian Designs. Also one of them ripped while I was sitting in it, which was not only a little scary, but rather insulting.
So in a scoliosis-induced tiff I sent her a passive-aggressive calm-furious email as I so love to do.
My profile pic is only smiling ironically.
September 27
“Darleen” (if you will, which I won’t) emails me to let me know she has heard that the factory finally has the precious, rare fabric called “polyester” that they need and will start production tomorrow. I assume the mill had to find someone literate enough to read the Wikipedia article about polyester before they could start making it. I also assume all mills are run by Medieval peasants, so I actually understand how that must have taken some time.
Le sigh.
October 19
Haven’t heard anything about our couch furniture from Scandinavian Designs in Berkeley, CA. Email “Darleen” (Shmarleen). She checks in with the manufacturer of the sectional couch from Scandinavian Designs and finds that OMG GUESS WHAT? There was another delay. Lol. Now it should be ready to ship on November 12.
O I C. They were making up excuses about the delay just so they could wait to send it on my birthday! So thoughtful of Scandinavian Designs. NO WAIT THAT’S NOT THOUGHTFUL AT ALL.
Meanwhile, we’ve had to resort to using pillows to support our now-crooked backs on our stupid temporary chairs. And now, as Richard pointed out, we’re nervous about farting while sitting in them, because before we go to sleep we have to move those pillows to our bed and put our faces on them. Our faces which contain our eyes. Our eyes could be near fart pillows. THAT’S HOW YOU GET PINK EYE, YOU GUYS.
Shmarleen says she will totally for reals check in with them all the time now and give us the skinny on any news.
October 25
I am not amused.
In conclusion, buying a couch from Scandinavian Designs, whether on the cheap or not, will probably give you scoliosis or pink eye and blinding rage. Please shop somewhere else.
To be continued. Even more.
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