-OR- How a Question Mark Changed Everything I Thought I Knew About the World.
(Catch up on parts 1 and 2 if you need to.) I couldn’t wait to tell you the ending. I know you couldn’t wait either. Hokay, so. Things we know about Stef: it is male. It likes movies. It might be into illegal drugs. It likes shooting the shit at random hours of the day. It does not know when it is being mocked.
It is now Thursday, and I’m riding the bus into campus for class. My phone rings. It’s a number not programmed into my phone (can you see where this is going?) I answer it.
ME: Hello, this is Jennifer.
Immediately I’m screaming in my head OH SHIT OH SHIT WHY DID I ANSWER??? It has to be Stef.
STEF: Umm, hi? This is Cory.
MY HEAD: Crapcrapcrap. And what?
STEF: Is this Stephanie’s phone?
MY HEAD: A-whaa? Stephanie’s…phone? He thinks I’m Stef? Holy crap! “This Stef” was a question, not a statement!
ME: No??
I’m so confused at this point that all my responses come out as questions with a really high inflection at the end. Also I can barely hear poor StefCory on the bus ride.
STEFCORY: Oh. This isn’t Stef’s phone?
ME: What’s that?
STEFCORY: This isn’t Stef’s phone?
ME: No. Sorry?
STEFCORY: Oh.
ME: …
STEFCORY: …This is Cory Somethingsomething, do you know me?
ME: Huh? I’m sorry??
STEFCORY: This is Cory Somethingsomething, do you know me?
ME: No, don’t think so?
STEFCORY: Oh. Why do I have your number in my phone?
ME: What’s that?
STEFCORY: Why do I have your number in my phone?
ME: I dunno, dude.
STEFCORY: Oh. My mistake I guess.
ME: I’m sorry??
STEFCORY: Um…(awkward laughter)
ME: What?
STEFCORY: Ok then. Sorry. Bye.
ME: Bye.
MY HEAD: Nooooo! StefCory! I loveded youuuu! Don’t leave me.
As I got off the bus I had mixed emotions: sadness, disappointment, and the giggles. I was sad that my anonymous and weird textversations were over so soon. I immediately texted Fiance “Oh no! The jig is up! THE JIG IS FUCKING UP!” I had imagined months of friendship and endless fodder for party-stories (and blog posts). I was disappointed that I didn’t have a better final conversation with StefCory. I didn’t get to ask him who Stef was, or how well he knew her. If he knew her well, I’d have asked why he didn’t notice that she doesn’t text like me. If he didn’t know her well, I’d have asked why he dropped the c-bomb and marijuana in their first conversation.
Also I was giggling, because somewhere, out there–probably in the same town–is a man who has no idea what just happened.
Nooooooo!!!!!!!!!! So sad.
And I was thinking this was your ticket to stardom!! You could have produced a “based on true events” RomCom starring Zac Effon and Taylor Swift (or whoever you want to play your role).